100 Yards Out

This joke was sent to me by my wife. I know this has been going around for awhile.


A golfer was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife told him; "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.


Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday at his favorite golf course.

The funny part is that I was in between the 100 yard markers trying to make it on to the green when she called me and told me the joke. Fortunately, I was on the 17th hole. I then finished the 18th and went home quickly.

Baby sitting

I was recently asked to baby-sit a local set of triplets. Why? Dad is overseas in Iraq. Mom is at home and wanted to get out. So my wife went with here. I had the privilege of juggling these small kids.

I have to admit juggling triplets is not easy. At least I had the Emily crib beneath where I was juggling. Of course the mom was not happy when she saw all the damage to her ceiling fan. Okay, so I got carried away while juggling.

It is not like any of them fell or anything. So there is a little damage to the ceiling fan. At least she got to spend some time out.

I am still not sure why my wife is mad at me . . . maybe we can have triplets.

Before any one has a moo-moo out there remember the title of the blog.

Bubba And Al

Out at an DELETED, two rednecks, Bubba Bill and Al, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "lookie thar up ahead, Al, it's a poll-ice roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" Don't worry, Bubba", Al said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat".

"What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Al. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir", said Al. "We're on the patch"!

I was reading this and thinking about Bubba Clinton and Al. As you may recall a few years ago when going around in 92, they were trying to be good ole' redneck boys.

What I find funny about this is how all has ended. Bubba Bill to the Anti-Bubba mecca of Moo York City, and he became the first black president.

Bubba Al, goes on to hurt a real bubba in george. Now Al the boy is running around the countryside still trying to say he should have been president. Well Bubba Al, Justice Scalia says, get over it.

Me in a Leotard

So I received a printable greeting cards yesterday from a friend. She had put into the card this old and lame joke.

(outside cover) I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

(inside cover) so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.

(Inside main) I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

I do not wear leotards . . . but this is still a funny joke that makes me laugh. I wonder how bad it would be if I had to get into a leotard. No wonder, we went to shorts and t-shirts. Now, I just have to buy a t-shirt and maybe I can start working out and sweating.

Of course you can go to google and find one yourself.

Republican In The Porch

A little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"


Comments: The only problem with this joke is that both dems and repubs would be screwing someone.

Clinton In Heaven's Gate

George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, "You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink."
Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, "He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?"

The angel says, "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders"


Comments: I love this joke.

Welcome To Lame, Bad, or Old Jokes

This blog is for old jokes.

Usually old jokes are good, sometimes bad, and sometime lame.

Read here as we explore bad, lame, old jokes.